Seattle Ecstatica's Code of Conduct

At Seattle Ecstatica, we are committed to building a dance floor where people can move freely, connect genuinely, and trust that their boundaries will be respected. These agreements are how we do that together. They apply to everyone in the room.

Our Agreements

1. Respect consent as ongoing and revocable

A "yes" is wonderful, and a "yes" now is not a "yes" forever. Consent for touch, connection, or any form of interaction can be given, changed, or withdrawn at any time and without explanation. It’s all part of the flow of dance and free expression.

• No one owes you continued dancing, touch, or conversation.

• If someone ends an interaction or creates distance, respect it. Don’t ask for reasons.

• Check in if you want to shift the energy of the dance significantly, especially in physical closeness or emotional intimacy.

2. Ask before touching or escalating with people you don’t know

The less familiar someone is, the more you check in. You don’t need to constantly interrupt the flow of dance with endless consent check-ins, but do move more slowly and read signals more carefully when you don’t have a baseline with someone.

• Ask before initiating lifts or more intimate holds.

• Don’t assume that an intimate dance means someone wants more intimacy off the dance floor. Monitor your energy toward others.

• If you’re unsure, pause and check in. Their hesitation to your invitation is information telling you to slow down or offer them an easy out.

3. Pay attention to what bodies are saying, not just words

A lot of consent communication happens before anyone speaks. Not everyone finds it easy to say "no" directly, because of social conditioning, past experiences, or just the awkwardness of the moment. So pay attention.

• If they step back, turn away, or freeze, recognize these as important body signals that want to be heard.

• If you notice any of these, slow down, offer space, or gently check in.

• When in doubt, use your words and ask. Ex: Is it ok if I lift you? We haven't done that before.

4. Take responsibility for the social power you hold

Not everyone in the room has the same ability to say "no" easily. Experience, social confidence, community standing, gender, race, and disability status all affect how people navigate interactions. If you carry more privileges, you carry more responsibility for how your presence lands.

• If you’re a regular, a teacher, an organizer, a man, or white, default to checking in more often, and make it super easy for people to say "no".

• It’s not that people with systemic privilege are bad. It’s the reality that your actions carry more weight. Notice this in your dances.

• Increasing your awareness and offering easy outs is how you can take care of people with less power on the dance floor.

5. Receive a “no” with grace

When someone says "no", with words or with their body, they’re doing something that can be genuinely hard. The best response is acceptance, gratitude, or celebration for them honoring their present-moment self. It’s an expression of the freedom and empowerment we’re all seeking at ecstatic dance.

• Don’t push, persuade, guilt, or ask again after a "no".

• Don’t ask for an explanation. A "no" isn’t personal to you; it’s personal to them.

• If you’re struggling with rejection, that’s totally normal. We all experience rejection sensitivity sometimes. When that happens, find a friend or a HeartTender. Don’t process it with the person who said "no".

6. Focus on impact, not just intention

Harm can happen between good people with good intentions. If someone tells you that something you did affected them, your first job is to listen, not defend yourself. “I didn’t mean to” and “that person felt hurt” can both be true at the same time.

• Being told you caused harm doesn’t make you a bad person or mean you had evil intentions. It just means there’s something to learn about how your actions landed with someone.

• Accountability is an opportunity to grow, not a punishment. We believe that people are good, we all make mistakes, and that everyone here is capable of growth.

• When you’re strong enough to set aside defensiveness and take up curiosity about the feedback received, it becomes a healing experience for you and others.

7. Look out for each other

Safety isn’t just the organizers’ job. We’re all responsible for the culture of this room.

• If someone looks uncomfortable, check in with them. You don’t need to be certain something is wrong to just offer care.

• If you notice something that doesn’t feel right, say something to a HeartTender, an organizer, or via the incident report form.

• It doesn’t have to be dire to be worth reporting. You saying something, even if it’s tiny, helps us understand what’s happening in the space.

Scope

This Code of Conduct applies to all Seattle Ecstatica events: ecstatic dances, workshops, and other special events. By showing up, you agree to uphold these agreements and contribute to a culture where everyone can feel cared for.